apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
