he thought i was a dude.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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