You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
worst night to have a conscience
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
