theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
