remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
