Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
