okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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