I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
