So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
