How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
