You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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