I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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