Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
