The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
