but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
