i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
