Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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