Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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