I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
