Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
