Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
