you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
