he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
