he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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