I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
