awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
