return my video game
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
