Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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