I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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