giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
