i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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