how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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