Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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