toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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