i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
