are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
