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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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