He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
