You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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