I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
