weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
