so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
