I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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