Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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