THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
