At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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