Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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