There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
