Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
