I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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