Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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